Hello Online Friends! Thanks for checking out the Clean House, Happy Life blog! I hope you’ll stay and browse around a while.
My name is RaeLyn. This is my story.
I’m a child of the 50’s who grew up in a tiny mining town, in a tiny house, in a large family.
Because my father worked for the mine, which was prone to very long workers’ union strikes, my mother worked as a school teacher, so there would always be an income.
Even though we had 8 people, including 6 kids 8 years apart, and a big ol’ dog named Butch, living in our little house, it never seemed crowded or cluttered. My mom seldom seemed stressed by mess, and we had extra people in our house, or at our table, nearly every day.
Somehow, the ability to control clutter didn’t get passed on to me.
I’m a hoarder.
When I say I’m a hoarder, I’m sure you have images from TV shows pop up in your head and you wonder how I managed to find my computer and a flat surface to write.
That’s understandable. TV creates powerful images.
My hoarding issues are not TV worthy. But that’s not to say they aren’t powerful.
Let’s talk about HOARDING … what it is … what it’s not.
How about a vocabulary lesson first:
- Hoarding – the noun, means large outdoor signboards like billboards or murals.
- Hoarding – the verb, refers to collecting/gathering/saving large quantities of worthless stuff.
- Horde – the noun, is an entirely different word meaning a large group of people.
- Hording – the verb, is not an actual word. People often use this spelling when they really mean Hoarding. They are simply mistaken. Sorry.
Hoarding – the verb, is an anxiety disorder, and it’s what this blog is about.
Hoarders are often reluctant to throw anything away because they feel they may need it later.
Some folks who grew up in poverty or in very difficult economic times, feel a need to hold onto things they were deprived of as children. Although, in reality, if they needed something specific, it would be very unlikely they’d be able to find it due to the sheer quantity of STUFF!
I heard on a TV talk show recently that people spend a full year of their lives looking for misplaced items. I’m sure I’ve spent much more time than that!
I feel like I’m constantly searching for … anything: Keys, purse, glasses, coat… you get the idea.
Warning signs of hoarding disorder
Hoarding disorder doesn’t come on suddenly. Like most other health/mental health issues, there are signs that can indicate trouble may be coming.
This list from Everyday Health provides a few things to think about if you wonder if you or someone you care about may be experiencing hoarding tendencies . Click here for the full article.
1 – Parts of your home become unusable
2 – There is no organization to the clutter
3 – Hoarded items hold no value
4 – You have lots of pets
5 – Your home has become unsanitary
6 – Increased social isolation
7 – Combative when confronted
8 – Unwilling to give up items
9 – Anxiety or other mental illness
Be aware also that just because your spouse won’t throw out or launder the “lucky socks” he was wearing the day the Red Sox won the world series over the Yankees, that doesn’t make him a hoarder. We’ll talk more about superstitions at another time.
How I got here
When I got married, I was driving a 1977 Chevy Vega hatchback. Everything I owned could fit in that car and still have room for myself and a passenger.
A dozen years later I had 4 young children, two of them with ADHD, my husband was working out of town, sometimes for weeks at a time, and I was struggling with a number of physical and mental issues.
At the time I didn’t know I was ill, I just thought I was a terrible parent and a terrible person.
I had, and still have, depression and anxiety. I had/have fibromyalgia and diabetes along with obesity and all that comes with that.
I was a mess and my family was suffering from it.
We’d been to family counseling where the therapist declared our family issues to be stemming from “a disengaged mother.”
That was the end for me. I went into a deep depression and was barely able to get out of bed for more than a few hours each day.
This held on for years.
My husband was the sole provider for the family. During this time he also became caregiver for me, the kids, the house, the yard, everything. Those were extremely difficult years for him as well.
One year around holiday time, I asked my husband what he wanted for Christmas. Without hesitation he said, “a Clean House and a Happy Wife.”
My cheeky response, of course, was “If you cleaned the house you’d have a happy wife.”
Over the years “a clean house and a happy wife” has become the silly catch phrase in our family when any question begins, “What do you want …?”
All we want is a Clean House and a Happy Life.
The blog name refers to a happy LIFE instead of WIFE. I don’t want to give the impression I think this is only a problem for women.
Over the years, and aided by modern chemistry, I’ve been fortunate to overcome much of my depression and anxiety. Although I still avoid hordes* and I still find many situations unbearable, I am able to socialize in small groups for limited amounts of time.
(*There’s that word, used properly!)
That’s not to say I’ve been cured, not by a long shot! I’m still a hoarder, and I still have physical issues.
That brings us to the purpose of this blog: Making myself accountable as I work my way out from under all the STUFF, the MEDICATIONS, the OBESITY, and the NEGATIVE SELF TALK.
That one word… ACCOUNTABILITY. And the other word that really terrifies me…VUNERABLILTY.
I want to be completely honest here. Opening up in a way I’ve never done before.
It’s a leap of faith. And it’s frightening. And I also believe it will be freeing, and, in the end, absolutely worth the effort, even if it means closing my eyes and running headlong into the abyss.
I also hope we can have some FUN together.
Through all the crap, I’ve been blessed to retain my sense of humor. It may be warped but it’s intact.
Please, don’t be afraid to share the light side of your struggles. There will be a whole section of the blog dedicated to celebrating the sunny side.
Join me in the journey! Follow our horde.
A few last thoughts:
It can get better.
No matter how far down you are buried. We can do this together!
It’s not a race. We’ll do a little at a time.
Honesty is awesome and terrifying, so please – don’t be hatin’.
And the last thing you must know:
I’m a hoarder, not an expert on hoarding. I’ll share my experiences and my journey and my opinions, I hope you’ll share yours too, but nothing on this blog should replace professional help.